i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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