wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We had sex on a dog bed..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
