his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
