So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Everything about him screamed your future.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
