Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
