We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yo dont text me then not text me
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
