no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
