so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My hand turned me down
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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