Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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