Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
