Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
