its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Drunk is a universal language darling
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
