I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
