mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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