My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've blown a few things in my day
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just had sex on a roof
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
