I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize