I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
