Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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