our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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