Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we made out on top of his cat.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
