Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
