One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
