Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
