Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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