eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm getting married
To pizza
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
