Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sorry about my life...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
