I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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