If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
