Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize