He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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