I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
