I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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