direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
