Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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