im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
True strength comes from lack of pants
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
