I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
