Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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