If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
