every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize