bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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