She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
