Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
