i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
