I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
