I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
