I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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