I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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