well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
