: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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