Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
