just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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