Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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