Can i not drive my cunt home
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
