her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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