My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i will never coherently bang her
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
