hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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