I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
