I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
