i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
