The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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