I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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