Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
