There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
