from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
