All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
